Amazing how one year or so can change everything.
I decided to log into Livejournal tonight (for no reason really) and started viewing A's and S' LJ page. Seeing S' one, one particular post struck me. It was a comment by D. "hahaha! i like! we gotta stick together thru these two years and beyond, the five of us. MAC EVERY FRIDAY MORNING FTW." And looking at how things are now, S^2 is in another school (and has perhaps forgotten about us) , S, D and K have promoted. And D and I are perpetually enemies. (And for this I dare announce it on my blog that he was being ridiculous and retarded but at this point, I don't really care about his existence) S and I are just mere acquaintances because of issues that I myself can't comprehend why but then again, it's not that hard to see why either. I look back and think, "What if?" What if things didn't turn out like this and all of this could have been avoided? But yet, I look at it from another perspective: if it was already innate of them to be like this, all of these issues would have happened eventually. Well of course, I don't deny my share of the blame game, but yes, I guess it's alright to conclude that everything happens for a reason and for such a reason, it would be best if we all just led our own lives and not care anymore.
And so after reading S' LJ, I clicked on A's LJ page. Funny how A, D and I went through all the multiple ups and downs together in high school, being classmates for 4 years. I mean, what's the possibility of being with your best friends for the whole 4 years of your high school life? I dare say the odds are one in a million. But we did. Classmates. All the happy times and the sad ones. In the end, it was a happy one and we graduated from high school together with smiles on our faces. We even made a pact to make an effort to keep in touch despite the different paths we're gonna take. To be honest, it was something I really really wanted to take seriously. But it wasn't as easy as we thought it would be. I chose the JC route while A and D chose the polytechnic one. Schoolwork, projects, assignments, examinations. It's funny how non-living things like these can build such a great bridge between friendships. Quoting something I read somewhere, if you really want things to stay the same, it would.
Moreover, we had our new social lives in our different institutions. Then soon after, all 3 of us were attached and were very happy with our significant other. Sadly, in an economic sense, with a benefit, there would be an opportunity cost. It was the greater rift in our friendship. Despite the existence of social media such as Facebook and Twitter, I find it a heartache to access the pages of these precious few. Because you can see from their posts and pictures where they meet your fellow high school mates and all. It just makes you think if you're of less importance in any way. Not being cocky whatsoever, but really, aren't we best friends? I know I am someone who doesn't like to step up to the plate and initiate, but as best friends, shouldn't you guys know who I really am? Right now, I reflect, if our friendship was only as strong as the 4 years we had together in high school, then what makes it any more different than a normal friendship? Of course, I do know D is someone who tries and I really do appreciate her for it. But for A, sigh.
A and I are very similar in character. Stubborn and hot-tempered. Explains the multiple clashes over the years. Idk man, it really does suck to see A asking someone else from high school out and not us despite her hectic schedule. It may come across as childish, but wouldn't you feel that way if you see your best friend spending time with people whom they weren't as close to (but close) instead of you? It's like you can tell that they're more than willing to sacrifice their time for them, and not for you.Which really is a pain. Idk if the word "best friend" can be used in this context now. It has paled to become just "friends" and on a harsher note, just "acquaintances".
Looking at my life now, I'm generally happy. Having people like the boyfriend makes things a whole lot better. And that bunch of guys. How can I forget them? Hahaha. But if so, I really really wish I had a female confidante in school or even anywhere, so long as I know they won't check out once they're in my life. Right now, I think God's opening the doors for me to find that confidante, and I'm really happy. :) Despite not going to church, I'm still praying and it's awesome that Daddy God is still answering my prayers.
And of course, I end off with this, "Amazing how a year or so can change everything." Now my life has taken a complete turn.
