BRIGHTERTHANSUNSHINE.

I never understood before,
I never knew what love is for.
My heart was broke, my head was sore.
What a feeling.

I'm in the study in school. Finding my pw articles. God damn it how the heck can I find 8 by tomorrow. My resources feel so exhausted now. The things we have to do for 10 points.

By today I have to do:
1. Maths e-learning.
2. Pw articles.
3. Maths tutorial.
4. Chem assignment.

MYE's results were bad; but at least I passed the dreaded 35 already. Just, barely. I already know what my plans are if I were to retain.

Hope I don't fall through in what I planned to do.

That Bobo just stole my ipoddddddddd. :(

<3 nella.

BILLIONAIRE.

I HAVE A LOT OF HOMEWORK DUE. I SHALL DEDICATE THE NEXT 4 DAYS IN DOING SO AND TO STUDY.

Pulling an overnighter with Claw at our used-to-be-favourite-place-till-bloody-world-cup-took-over.

I thank SRJC for having midyears before the holidays or I swear seriously, I would totally flunk all my papers so bad. (I just do not have the determination to spend time in doing them)

In my world in this June holidays,
Fun > Homework.
Sleep> Studies.
and this equals to a one-way ticket to failure. (sadly)

My dad just said I'm damn tanned now.

<3 nella.

DIRTYPICTURE..

We'll be a dream.

This has been such an emotional ride. My whole 2010 was a rollercoaster ride for my emotions.

The times I've thought of ending it all this year has been countless. How to do it? How many should I write? How should it go? Every itty gritty detail. I know it's not healthy, but sometimes things really go to a point I can't really control on how it goes anymore, so much so giving up seems like a better option because the pros outweighs the cons. But it's all over.

And there were the times, where I would feel so self-conscious, I would just bring myself down so much due to the comments other people make about me. And how I would get so bothered about them, especially when it came from her. How much I've fallen, how much I backslided.. For this is something that I've been dealing with for so many byears of my life, I can't assure it would be an overnight affair for me to change totally, but I'll try and soon, it will all be over.

How many times I've fallen, how many times I've relapsed, how many times I've backslided.

I really do miss the Fionella I was before. I do know myself; there were definitely moments when I really loved myself and I could really stand up for myself amidst the comments I've got. "Who are they to comment on me when what they have isn't sufficient or fantastic enough for them to be worthy to insult me?" Days like this were happy days. The Fionella who's able to smile with the help of optimism, the Fionella who loves making new friends and finding a common bond, the Fionella who loves every single day of her life despite the problems God has thrown her, for He knows she will definitely and ultimately come out a stronger person after it all. That was the Fionella I knew. She was once like that before, and I'm sure she will be back once again. One step at a time. :)

The same old Fionella would laugh at a joke, laugh it off when people joked about her weight, would go out and make new friends with everyone.
Damnit, she was so colourful, she would make a rainbow look plain.
She would dazzle people with her spontaniety, her zest for everything.
She would walk out of her house looking smackingly gorgeous, and feel it.
She would be the girl I've always loved.
Right now, I know she's still in there somewhere.

Yes I know she's gonna be back. And she's gonna come back with a blast to-ta-lly. :D

You can always bring me down, but I can always come right back up.
Calling me fat doesn't make you any better; it just proves your insecurity within.
Calling me ugly doesn't make you any prettier; it just shows your weaknesses and sooner or later it would backfire.

I know I'm good, and they know I am. That's all I need to know.

<3 nella.

CRANKDAT.

StereoLove.


Hello.

The lack of updates was due to the fact that there was nothing much to update because my life has been practically revolving around the same thing, canoeing canoeing canoeing. Not that I'm dreading it, but I really dread waking up at unearthly hours and having to get my ass at Macritchie by 8am for like 4 days a week. And the other 2 days are not any better... Oh well. I love my canoe mates to bits. <3 <3 <3 so at least that's consolation.

The most fun thing of my week was Surge. Which sucked and rocked at the same time. Sucked cos it was trance 3/4 of the time and they just HAD to say the party had to end earlier at 3am cos the police were there wth wth wth wth. -_-
Rocked cos it was wayyy better than SupperClub. (for me at least) And the music played for the remaining 1/4 non-trance time was good too. :)

I should really be sleeping soon.

AND I had better start mugging once again already.

One confession of mine I wanna make: I love to have unrealistic day(night?)dreams before I sleep every night. :) :) :) Keeps me happy before I sleep. Hahaha.

<3 nella.

OHMYGOD.

I finally have internet at home!

So much things in this span of time I've been gone. I shall use June as a month of self discovery of every itty gritty detail of my life. At least I'm not in that two places.. It has turned me into somebody I don't want to be.

Moved, and it's currently day 4 there. I miss RV so bloody much now cos Evgp sucks cos it's so small and dirty.... And there's no cable in the living room (for now till idk when..) :( :( :(

But heck I shall mass download all the songs that I've missed for the past 2 months.... If it makes me happier. Hahahahaha. :)

Mom offered to bring us out shopping this week or next. :O First time coming out from her mouth. I wonder how long her words of wisdom would last since she's all PMSy due to menopause.

The joys of runningggggggg. :)

<3 nella.