Once you know my weakness, you definitely can crumble my day, regardless how happy it is. And you know what, I hate it because it brings suicidal thoughts to me. And I'm not afraid to carry out whatever's going through in my head.

I hate this. Can you guys stop using that against me, even if it's just a joke? Because it just hurts so bad... Please stop making me cry.

Why do I have to be like this... It's not like I'm not trying.

INEVERTOLDYOU.

Sucky week, happy ending. Isn't it ironic how things can change drastically in just a week?

In a nutshell, it was just a sad week. I even cried. And now looking back, those tears were never worth it.

Oh well, I ended it on a good note and this showed me there are five million other people who would care and wanted me to be happy. So I shall. :)

Gonna make this week happy. I hope. Shall go for my long walk soon.

<3 nella.

HELLYEAH.

I hate being myopic. :( No matter what, I have to be wearing my lenses mostly because I look like crap in my specs. And it does not help that I've been blessed with sky-high degrees... To think I wanted to wear specs so bad when I was 7. Damn, kids do say the darnest things sometimes.

Watched the YOG slalom races yesterday. 6 races for $30... Was good to see the slalom races though. Their strokes are really like wthzomg nice ttm. Really really wanted to see the sprints still. :/
Then celebrated Javier's birthday at JustAcia. Happy belated 17th Captain! :)

School was so :/ today. Well, had SY, Rufus and Nick. Ahhh especially Nick, thanks for knocking some sense into me and making me happy once again. Seriously, a brother like no other because his advice and words has this ability to always make me feel way better than before. Plus it's not everyone who has that ability to just make me feel better after one convo.<3 Right now, I can only count on the hands of time to bring me somewhere. And that somewhere, that's where I'll finally find my answer. :)

I do realised, although SR brought me so much sadness and anger sometimes, I'm really soooo thankful I've got the company to pull me through. SY, Rufus, Nick, Javier, Ruben, Bobo + the canoeists. To be honest, I really do feel guilty sometimes for letting my emotions get the better of me because not only does it affect me, it really does affect those who care for me. And sometimes, I really feel so guilty because I neglect them and despite that, they are still there. Please don't leave me okay? I'll really do everything possible to make you guys smile when you're sad.

<3 nella.

LOVETHEWAYYOULIE.

Slightly over a month left. I can't wait.

Baybeats yesterday with Bro and his friends + Daryl. Brutal night, but it was great. My first time headbanging and moshing! Despite injuries and aches, I guess we still had fun aye? :) And I could finally talk to Bro about HS and I guess I'm gonna leave it to the hands of time.

Finally found my motivation to study for P's already. :)
I'm gonna smile in all adversities.

<3 nella.

DEFYINGGRAVITY.

P's in 41 daysssssssss. Feeling the tension already. Imagine if it's the A's itself, omg I swear I would have gone berserk by now.

Sigh sigh sigh I'm not going anywhere in my studies. :/ Not a good day because I screwed up my Vectors I pop test and I'm gonna get a 0 for it and best of all, it's not because I don't know my stuff, it's because I was careless. Now Mr Cheu is gonna think I'm a mega screw up in Maths when actually I'm not. :( Ahhhh hml x10. And another hmlx10 because it's vectors ONE which I'm supposed to be kick ass in it by now. Letting myself and Ms Quek down man. Phailllllll.
Plus I don't know how to draw my graphs well. :/ And I'm trying!!!!! But I can't seem to comprehend it fully. :/

No one to rant to because I hate ranting to my friends now. Don't wanna be a burden or an annoyance. I seek my blog + diary for such purposes. I need to rant somewhere because it just sucks to keep it in. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I gotta study something by tonight or else I'll still be a major loserrrrrrrr.

<3 nella.

FIREFLIES.

TGIF although the week for me is never gonna end with the long long long long things I have to do by this week.

BY SUNDAY I SHALL:
1. Do the demoralising piece of shiz called WR.
2. Maths Vectors II tutorial.
3. UNDERSTAND CHEMISTRY. (Should have just taken bloody H1 History or Physics or something -_-)
4. Study for the Econzzzz DRQ test on Tuesday. (Damn it stupid LRAC, MC, AC, MR shiz. Thank God I'm starting tuition soon)

On the contrary, we're gonna watch YOG canoe-kayak next Wed. :) :) :) So looking forward to that.
Then again, I feel like a bloody failure as a canoeist. I lack the self confidence to go beyond what I'm doing now.

Tests engulf me like flames~ Every week there's bound to be a test. I guess it's a good thing because it FORCES me to study whether I like it or not as as each day passes, the jolly good fellow called PROMOS come creeping slowly and knocking on my mind's door. AND NO FREAKING WAY AM I GONNA RETAIN. Because the Father will cut all blood ties with me and make sure I'll never step into his house ever again.
(The thought after the darn p's with >35 rank points is really thought provoking. >:D)

Baybeats next weekend! -crosses fingers-

Every post now is so canoe and academic based. -_- I really wonder what I'm truly living for now man. I'm such a boring soul now. :( So geeky too.

<3 nella.

Sigh I wish I could just believe and stop being such a cynic.

Geog test tomorrow. For the 504534947495120937 time, I hate Geography. Should start loving it soon though. Hml.

Got back both Econs and Chem test. No surprise, got U's. I love U doesnt sound like the sweetest thing anymore after getting double whammy for tests I did study for. Hml x2.

Rocket high chances of screwing up my promos. Hml x3.

I'm a total cynic now. As what Mika said, no hope no love no glory no happy ending.

I'm gonna sleep and pray everything would be better. This negative-cynic-iwanttokillyou mode is so depressing. :/

<3 nella.

why must I be who I am.
in that way, I would have no chance at all right.

<3 nella.

IWILLBETHEREFORYOU.

Whenever the road is too long
Whenever the wind is too strong
Wherever this journey may lead to
I will be there for you
I will be there for you
Through sorrow
On the darkest night
When there's heartache
Deep down inside
Just like a prayer you will be there
And I promise you all my life

I miss Abg and Debs so bloody much. :( One of the most important reasons why I lived through my secondary school days. 4 going to 5 years of bff-ship kay!!! Despite the many cold wars, arguments, misunderstandings, emotional breakdowns and such, everything still remains. If only you guys are here in JC with me, then life would be a more brighter rainbow. Because only you 2 would really understand who and why I really am. :(

I'm gonna party all I have tonight and forget whatever messes and screws me up like wildfire inside.

<3 nella.

LETITROCK.

This feeling is only temporary, but I feel so free (After my disastrous spate of tests) So studying shall take a break for today despite being 46 days from promos. BUT WU QI BI FAN. Gonna flunk both my Econs and Chem test. Best thing is, I STUDIED. Ahhhhh it's over already. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade out of it. When life gives you U grades, you just gotta study harder and smarter.

I feel so geeky now.

Anywayssssss, WILL RUN. Didn't reach my desired 17km. 14km instead. Broke down during my 12km when Mark and Nickhalas was pacing me. Felt like a bloody failure as a canoeist cos we're supposed to do 16km MINIMUM. So yesssss, no 17km = mega loser Fionella. But on the brighter side, the most I ever ran for a school event was for Cross Country and it was only 3.4km. To run >10km, omg the feeling is super awesome. CAN'T WAIT FOR NIKE HUMAN RACE. :)

Plus 1A07 got the overall best JC1 class too! Win = Overload of Nike bags. Great I finally have a bag for my shower stuff. And it's surprising cos we have only 4 guys and Arts students are generally less motivated to run. (as said by some teacher) BOTTOM LINE I LOVE MY CLASS.

THANKSGIVING THIS FRIDAY = NO LESSONS AWESOME.
SUNDAY = TIME TO PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG.
MONDAY= NO SCHOOL.
TUESDAY = YOG TORCH RELAY.

This week would be awesomezzzz. :D

<3 nella.