Everytime I see you, I don't wanna look at you or acknowledge you. Why? It's because I don't wanna nurture any more feelings I have for you. But really, seeing you really makes me happy. Just once, it'd be enough. :> Hope you won't screw up your papers. And hope you'll be happy.

<3 nella.

Let's start a riot.

Hi I have Chemzzzz tomorrow and I'm not caring. Should prolly do something tonight and tomorrow. 2 more papers to go!

Maths mindfucked me so much today, so much so I had to seek solace in my home to recuperate. 3 hours for Maths is not enough. NOT enough. I just pray and hope I'll get a B or C on this or I can just bid promoting to J2 goodbye. (I did not sign myself up for JC course for it to last me three years...)

Oh, and I'm a goner for Geography. But there's still paper 2 to bank on if I wanna get a pass, which is actually pretty much impossible because I'm not a Geography kinda person. I wonder if a miracle would ever happen for my Geog just like how it happened for my O's. Hmmm.

Can't wait for the end baybeh! My piercing and fun awaits me! But not forgetting that training is gonna intensify like 15637400956382998 times more. Yay and nay. I miss peh-de-linggggggggg. :(
And PW and Chinese too. >2010, no more Chinese FOREVER. >:D

Claw posted this on Facebook. How much this applies to the current situation now. :/
I still don't know how to act, don't know what to say, still wear the scars like it was yesterday. But you're long gone and moved on.
It's hard to say goodbye to memories. Easier said than done. How I wish it'd be easy to just wanna talk to you. But no things can't work that way. :(

<3 nella.

My heart's an empty vessel.

It's been like a week since I last touched a computer. Right now, everything has been so mundane. Study till late > Home > TV > Sleep. Can't wait to break free from this cycle on 4th Oct. :>

In school studying with Cheryl and Javier. Productive yet it's not. Been having this nrigfnriei feeling for the past 2 days. And whatever's going through my head now isn't making anything any better. Sigh. :/ Shall continue with Ecornomickz soonish, right after this post.

I like to blog.

You left my life and you're coming back once again. And then you're gonna leave again. This cycle is so repetitive. I never thought that I still had something for you. It has been 3 years and yet when I think about it now, the feeling is still so raw, so tangible. I guess despite everything, I still.. like you. And it's not something I would want, honest. Really, after thinking about it, I think I've just been shutting you out so much for so long. Because you come in after a few months and leave suddenly, I can't really comprehend what you really want from me... If this is the feeling you're giving me, I rather you leave permanently. Save me from this misery, especially not two days before the P's. You're sucking my thoughts dry. I just want you to know.

"Smart people think with their heads, stupid people think with their hearts. Be stupid." Yeah right, if I chose to be stupid, I'll not only be hurting myself, but even people I don't even know at all. I can't live with this guilt.

<3 nella.

Starstruckk.

There's this mother fucker outside my house pressing on his horn non-stop. Wth is he trying to prove, seriously.

Okay he stopped. Bloody mofo ccb.

I've been doing Maths all the way most of the time now. Banking on it to clear half of the 35 at least. -x fingers- I will promote. I should focus more on Econs and Chem as well... Geography, an E would suffice. P's in 8 days time people.

4 hours of mind-fucking Maths tuition and did more Maths after that. And I was doing Maths yesterday for the whole day. Imagine how Mathified I am right now. Oh God. And I still haven't touched on the Differentiation tutorial. :( Oh well, I like Maths. More than like, I luuuuuurve it. Geek. 8)

I should stop questioning myself on my chosen path because I do know my answer. I just don't want to accept that things would be way harder on this path; where P's alone are way worst than the O's.

School.ends.at.5pm tomorrow. This.Is.Shit.I.Tell.You. Heck, school's gonna be on for 3 days, 2 days of study break (BISHAN LIB + KOI :>), 2 days of the weekend and then the P's. I'm so fucking scared...

Oh well, STAY POSITIVE. If I did it for MidYears, I can't see why I can't do it again for P's :>

<3 nella.

I like Maths, do you?

By 1215 latest, I must be off the lappy and back to my books.
Oh man, initially I switched this thing on was to check the timetable. But I guess Facebook and five million other stuff caught me and hence I've been on this for close to an hour.

Mathsmathsmaths, why are you so demoralising especially in times like this? Nonetheless, I am never gonna let that hope of getting an A for Maths during the P's die out now.

Screw, I'm so geeky now. :(

But on a brighter note, I did well for GP compre test and my score for Econs DRQ test really was wayyyy beyond what I expected. And I didn't screw up my Chem test today. And I saw Mr X today which is good which made me ^^ plus I've been happy today and yesterday. So currently all's well. :>

Okay, check timetable and then I'm off this blasted contraption and going back to mind-fucking Maths. Or maybe I should sleep. At least I did substantial studying today and some thoughts are haunting me like crazy right now zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

<3 nell.a

The P's.

School's reopening tomorrow. Hate this feeling cos it's a shoutout and a loud wake up call that the P's would be in 14 days time, as of tomorrow.
I should be thankful that I've at least touched something for every subject. Right now, retain seems like a viable option. I really really shouldn't be thinking this way though.

Between me and the next 20+ days, words of encouragement (although nice and comforting to hear) are not gonna make me feel better about my status. Because right now, I'm just gonna give it my best shot, make it work and see where this brings me to.

The end seems near, but the real end really seems so far away. I really need to have my long term goal in mind instead of focusing on short term issues on how to face my P's and cross the 35 rank point barrier. Because, isn't this what I came to JC for?
Something short term to look forward to though: The fun I'm gonna have once ProjectWhatTheFuck + Chinese ends.

This feeling of trepidation is ten million times worse compared to the feeling of O's, which really seems nothing compared to the P's.

Craving for Sbux' Ice Shaken Lemon Tea naooooooooo. :(

Okay, P's officially begins in 14 days. Make it work, Nella.

<3 nella.

I do not like moments like these.

I realized, maybe it's right that I do everything alone.

<3 nella.

PWsucksballsandshouldjustFOAD.

I'm like freaking tired ttm now and I should be sleeping because there's training tomorrow but I can't sleep till my hair dries and I so gotta say this.

I'VE GOT SHORT HAIR NOWWWWWWWW~
And I elohveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it so bloody much. The best short hair I've got in a long long long time. :>

I hate PW. Nice and fun teacher, I know. But can you stop finding mistakes and problems with our 2 month old ideas 18 days before P's and expect us to rectify everything within 3 days kthxbye. I don't even think an A is possible now.

I've come to a realisation... Even after P's, I'm gonna be supersuper busy focusing on ProjectWhatTheFuck and massive overdose of Chinese. Oh fml. Can't wait for the day it finally all ends. No more ProjectWhatTheFuck + Chinese = A happy Fionella, amen.

Kayzzzz shall snooze nao.

<3 nella.

KISSME.

I've been having random bouts of emotional letdowns lately. Not serious enough to make me feel like it's the end of the world, but enough to make me think what the hell is going on with me. I'm such an emotional rollercoaster I must say. :/ But happy days still lie ahead of me, I guess. :> Smile baby smile?

Mission X is over like thank God. Wasn't THAT bad. But it was bad. Like super mega ginormously bad. Went up, the mike screwed up. Felt like an idiot shouting into it when it wasn't even switched on. And I skipped one of my lines. And I felt my face going all hot. AND I was trembling like crazy. And I totally bs-ed my way through the Q&A. Ohmannnn. Wtheck, I'm glad it's over. No more such large-scale presentations coming my way anytime soon and I'm thankful for that. :) Nonetheless, congrats to everyone and anyone because it takes someone with massive balls and ego to just go up there and speak. I'm glad we made it through. I'm glad all of us did. ;)

September holidays can just kiss my ass, like seriously. If going back for lessons 4/5 days of the week is counted as a holiday... Mmhmm yeah I think you got the message here.

I really need to start doing Geog for P's instead of putting it aside and avoiding it. Ohman. Hate Geog hate Geog hate Geog hate Geog. >:( Idk whats so interesting about the formation of volcanoes. THEY JUST DO AND I DON'T CARE. Fml, should have taken History instead. At least I have a love for it unlike my immense detest for that stupid G subject.

Shall go sleep nao. Early day in hellhole awaits me.

<3 nella.

Love from what I see.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't want a different type of loving. I don't want prolonged and continuous heartbreaks no longer.

But this seems so far away. Maybe that's why I'm still pretty cynical about such issues, and that I don't see its "beauty".

But what "beauty" does it have if all it ever brought you was tears, painful revelations and little happy memories to fall back upon?

<3 nella.

SUNDAYMORNINGS.

I'm so tired. Bloody slept at 530am this morning and woke up at 610am for school. Ahh, but it was worth it because the phone call made me feel better. Thankewwwwwz my bro. Will never forget you and the things you've done for me. So little time, and yet you've done so much.

Gotta skip water training for SRGCE. :/ Ohwells, shall use that time to stay in school to mug. P's are coming...

Gonna present in front of the whole H2 Econs cohort or 3/4 of the entire JC1 cohort on Monday for Mission X. Ohemgee. Hate this feeling because it's so scary.

Gonna sleep way way way early today. I can't believed I tanked this long in school without sleeping with just 40 minutes of sleep. (Except for dozing off in the already-went-through-in-LT-4-but-today-we're-in-LT-5-and-they-were-slower Econs lecture) Feeling the impact of my action now.

<3 nella.