So sick.
So, so sick.

Misery and its business has caught up with me. Can't really find any reason to smile and be happy, so screw the MissionStayHappy shiz. I'm weak.

I fucking miss you.
I want you to be happy and seeing you in this state is like literally slapping me hard on my face. Karma hits like a bitch, but I don't wanna see this happening to you. Not in this form.
Fuck man, I don't know if I even like you now after hearing what I have to hear. Fuck, I miss you. Like crazy.

And I realise I never get anything right with my life. Whether it's academic wise or whether it just boils down to my life on the whole. I fucked everything up with my own mindset and warped decisions.

Forever seems tempting. Forever is so close by.

Ribbons.

Remember in my previous post I said something about hoping to get super annualated(?) ? Well I found out it's the same as expulsion and the term I should be using would be re-exam(!!!) Oh man, stupid stupid me.

And yes I'm a temporary SP now because I'm under the re-exam part for now. All those sayings that re-exam is a sure ticket to J2 and all is now bull because they have made re-exams more stricter. Mandatory study sessions in school and study plans to submit weekly till the re-exams? Yup pretty much.

But at least I've woken up and realised what I truly want. And my drive is wayyyy higher now so thank God. :>

Promos v2.0 here I come. Second shot at it. I will make it through.

<3 nella.

Last Friday Night.

Hey look it's 20102010. Not like I really care but it's a nice date to remember although I kinda got fucked by it. This week itself was just fucked up too thanks to family bull and academic shiz.

Bawled like crazy over my (horriblex10000) P's results on Monday. Like seeeeee-reeee-ousssss-lyyyyy. Two words: FUCKED UP. Did like wayyyyyy bad. Econs and Chinese were a letdown, seriously. Geography was just.. typical. Chem can go suck my balls if I ever have any. CT sent us crybabies to the counsellor. Yup, rough Monday. At the end of that hjorrid day, I realised I'm an emotional wreck. I do pray I get promoted/super-annualated(?) by God's grace. I swear I'll fucking work my ass to get into a local uni and prove those who doubt me wrong.

Tomorrow's the official release of results. I hate making decisions like this. Somehow both ways seem equally enticing. But then again retaining is a bitter pill to swallow, I realised. It's a deed easier said than done and I applaud anyone who took that path because I fucking broke down at the thought of it. And reexams is already a hint I might not do as well in J2. So I guess by the end of tomorrow, my fate would be known. But really, I wanna promote.


Massive overload of PW and Chinese. Actually it ain't that bad, judging that I've been listening in Chinese lectures and sleeping/watching movies/doing PW stuffs in PW. Gonna study for Chinese and get my A for peedubbs. Yup I will.

Oh yeah I look like a mental retard now, literally. Screwed haircut. I look like a dude. :( Fml.

To be honest, the main main main main reason why I wanna promote so bad is for my friends. Would have prolly died long ago if not for them. And the thought of going through that fucking boring shiz called ORIENTATION one more time, making new friends, paying for notes I already have one more time and so much more, makes promoting a better option. But Idk. I really don't. :(

Ahhhhz shall do whatever I promise the Brother. American Pie! And to not procrastinate and download his songsss... If you're reading this (which I doubt you are fwalala), SCREW YOU BITCHHHHHHHHH. But yes fucking love you too. :>

<3 nella.

I'm not perfect.

My mind fucking hurts.

Really, right now, I rather hallucinate about green fairies than think about this.

Oh yeah, end of promos. Back to PW and Chinese. And anticipating for results.

What a dream. Seemed pretty real.
I'm sososo weak.

<3 nella.