Perspectives.

Now it's the 31st of December!

Last day of this epic year.

All I can say is, I'm gonna leave this year with a changed perspective (a very different one) from what I thought was good for me and I thought that I really wanted it so bad. But actually I've come to realised that I'm actually quite happy being unattached and all. Trust me, I thought that having a boyfriend meant the world but no. Being single definitely has its benefits. More benefits than being attached I supposed. (although in my case, I've to deal with the fact of being friendless aka lonely aka ALONE 3/4 of the time because I'm perpetually surrounded by attached people.. I should really make more friends because my social circle is, small)

Seeing friends who are attached torments me, really. I see how they change in the process and how they would become so accomodating and clingy to their other halves and being so dependent on them and then neglecting their friends. I won't lie. I used to be like that and when I became single and thought about it, I hated myself for that. Because at the end of the day, when your other halves leave and then leave you in total shambles, who's gonna be there for you to hear your pain, comfort you, lend you their shoulders to cry upon and wipe your tears away? Definitely not "the one whom you loved more than anything in this world".

And I've also come to a realisation that actually I don't wanna get tied down and make sure that the next guy I'm gonna be with is gonna be my husband. We're only in a small part of the world and there is a bigger world out there and so many different personalities for us to know and discover. It'd be such a waste if I've gotta spend my life with someone who comes along at this very young age of mine.

Now I do know the rationale of parents saying it's best to only start dating around when you become financially independent. They meant well and it's definitely not bullshit.

I'm turning 18 next year. All I want is to do well in my academics and have my fun. I don't wanna be tied down by the fact that I have to be constantly thinking about my boyfriend and how they would feel because really, as bluntly as this seems, there is no time at all. My friends and academics (and honestly, a little of family) are definitely more important because boyfriends are just transitory. Going through a couple failed relationships made me think that actually it was good to have that experience of being hurt and having heartbreaks, because this moulds me to a be a stronger person at that level. So although heartbreaks brings about a lot of pain and sadness (and definitely a lot of binging on super fattening comfort food...), it did bring my perspective to a whole new level and height.

With all that said, I'm definitely not shunning the fact of a future boyfriend. To put in this way, I'm just seeing and waiting if that guy is really worthy. Whether or not he sees things in the same way as I do, whether he can accept all my friends (and me, of course) for who they are and most importantly, whether I can see us growing as individuals through our relationship and whether I would and can stay the same Fionella despite being attached. In other words, I'm just waiting for the next best guy to come along.

I don't have to marry him, but I wanna make sure that our relationship has gone beyond bonds that can be simply broken by a break up. Personally, it is definitely possible to continue a close knitted friendship with an ex boyfriend. I am not gonna shut out great people in my life just because we had something going on before and it would be awkward if we still maintained a friendship. I am gonna ensure that everything between us would be stronger than that.

I am glad that I'm leaving 2010 thinking this way. I feel that despite the shit I've gotten from 2010, I am gonna leave it thinking at a level I never would have thought of before. This is a good change. :)

Can't wait for 2011! Gonna spend my New Year's Eve and the start of New Year at USS! Fireworks and celebrations. :):):) (Thanks to my very naggy and very annoying but yet I still have love for them parents!)

<3 nella. (Lotsa lotsa lotsa love)

Me and Pressies.

I am currently racking my head for gift ideas for someone darn important in my life.
(I am only racking my head so so hard cos this person's like way way way important and has done way too much for me so this is what he deserves)

19 different items. And there's currently 4/5 items. (with thanks to Rubs and Daryl!) And I need like 19... This is hard. Because I am so not a presents kind of person.

<3 nella

This time.

It has been like forever since I last posted.
Well I finally got my new laptop. :) it gets annoying to blog on my BB btw. So lack of updates.

Christmas just passed. Mundane. Never really did like this season because it's so commercialised and all everyone wants are presents presents presents. Moreover even my own family doesnt celebrate Christmas, so yeah no point. Stayed at home the whole day watching crappy TV shows and had dinner with my brother. :):):)

15 days to school. Rewinding back to Year One. Looking forward to it though. :) So many chances I've got this year, I screwed most of it all and now at least I've got the chance to make it all better. I am hoping and praying that 2011 would be good. 2010 was an OMG year to me. The good and the bad. Mostly bad, but the good was rather good as well. Ah the year's ending and it's a good thing. :)

Omnomnomnomnomnom.
<3 nella.

Suosday; thats hello in Khmer.

It's been close to a week since I got back from Cambodia.

That place is wondrous, really. Over there, I got over the fact that I'm retaining, learnt so much life lessons and made new friends. :) I love SR for SRGCE, because SRGCE teaches more than independence; it shows you the world in a broader perspective and I am glad to have signed up for it. :):):)

Quite magical, honestly. The kids there, the people generally, they just have this heart of simplicity and are willing to give all and whatever they can despite having little for themselves. They put Singaporeans to shame, really. Comparing the local CIP done and the one in Cambodia, I enjoyed the latter so much more. Singaporean kids these days thrive on bribery and they MUST have something in return if you want them to do something for you. I'm embarrassed to be a Singaporean for this. SRGCE has changed my perspectives in more ways than one.

I'm still missing Cambodia, although I've been back for 6 days.

Looking forward to a new schooling year! Got my Ed Hardy planner, pencilcase, pens, bag and new shuzzzzzz. :) and I got em all with my brother!

Been meeting Bro for the past few days. I love my brother truckloads cos he has done things a friend can't do for me. And he kept whatever little or small promises he made for me. Right now, I don't care if people hate him, verbally bash him up or just want to put him down in my face, cos I'm gonna kill you if you do. Such people don't know what a good friend they're passing up upon. And I swear the next person who says mean things about him in my face is so gonna get it from me. Real bad.

<3 nella.