Perspectives.

Now it's the 31st of December!

Last day of this epic year.

All I can say is, I'm gonna leave this year with a changed perspective (a very different one) from what I thought was good for me and I thought that I really wanted it so bad. But actually I've come to realised that I'm actually quite happy being unattached and all. Trust me, I thought that having a boyfriend meant the world but no. Being single definitely has its benefits. More benefits than being attached I supposed. (although in my case, I've to deal with the fact of being friendless aka lonely aka ALONE 3/4 of the time because I'm perpetually surrounded by attached people.. I should really make more friends because my social circle is, small)

Seeing friends who are attached torments me, really. I see how they change in the process and how they would become so accomodating and clingy to their other halves and being so dependent on them and then neglecting their friends. I won't lie. I used to be like that and when I became single and thought about it, I hated myself for that. Because at the end of the day, when your other halves leave and then leave you in total shambles, who's gonna be there for you to hear your pain, comfort you, lend you their shoulders to cry upon and wipe your tears away? Definitely not "the one whom you loved more than anything in this world".

And I've also come to a realisation that actually I don't wanna get tied down and make sure that the next guy I'm gonna be with is gonna be my husband. We're only in a small part of the world and there is a bigger world out there and so many different personalities for us to know and discover. It'd be such a waste if I've gotta spend my life with someone who comes along at this very young age of mine.

Now I do know the rationale of parents saying it's best to only start dating around when you become financially independent. They meant well and it's definitely not bullshit.

I'm turning 18 next year. All I want is to do well in my academics and have my fun. I don't wanna be tied down by the fact that I have to be constantly thinking about my boyfriend and how they would feel because really, as bluntly as this seems, there is no time at all. My friends and academics (and honestly, a little of family) are definitely more important because boyfriends are just transitory. Going through a couple failed relationships made me think that actually it was good to have that experience of being hurt and having heartbreaks, because this moulds me to a be a stronger person at that level. So although heartbreaks brings about a lot of pain and sadness (and definitely a lot of binging on super fattening comfort food...), it did bring my perspective to a whole new level and height.

With all that said, I'm definitely not shunning the fact of a future boyfriend. To put in this way, I'm just seeing and waiting if that guy is really worthy. Whether or not he sees things in the same way as I do, whether he can accept all my friends (and me, of course) for who they are and most importantly, whether I can see us growing as individuals through our relationship and whether I would and can stay the same Fionella despite being attached. In other words, I'm just waiting for the next best guy to come along.

I don't have to marry him, but I wanna make sure that our relationship has gone beyond bonds that can be simply broken by a break up. Personally, it is definitely possible to continue a close knitted friendship with an ex boyfriend. I am not gonna shut out great people in my life just because we had something going on before and it would be awkward if we still maintained a friendship. I am gonna ensure that everything between us would be stronger than that.

I am glad that I'm leaving 2010 thinking this way. I feel that despite the shit I've gotten from 2010, I am gonna leave it thinking at a level I never would have thought of before. This is a good change. :)

Can't wait for 2011! Gonna spend my New Year's Eve and the start of New Year at USS! Fireworks and celebrations. :):):) (Thanks to my very naggy and very annoying but yet I still have love for them parents!)

<3 nella. (Lotsa lotsa lotsa love)