Love in its many different light.

So the release of the re-exam results were released yesterday.

I'm retaining. Bitter pill to swallow, but I'm feeling much better about it. Although I must say, it still stings quite a fair bit. Yesterday was an emotionally taxing day. Cried so many times... And I was in town. This feeling of sadness isn't the normal type of sad, and I really really didn't understand the way I acted yesterday. Ah but still, I thank bro, claris, sattish and rina for trying to make me feel better, which you guys kinda did. :)

And at least I'm not taking horrid Geography anymore. I've learnt that interest overpowers past (miraculous) academic achievements. Hence, I'm taking the huge jump from Geography to something I really really adore, History. Clean slate on 2011.

But the most saddening thing is, I'm retaining. Alone. While all my closest people in school are going up. It's sad to know, really because I love my close friends even more than myself. I don't want things to change between us...

Flying off to Cambodia for 6 days tomorrow. I should really channel that sadness to doing my utmost best to alleviate the poverty of the kids there. I'm gonna have fun. :)

<3 nella.

Tomorrow's that day.
Please let me promote.

I wish I was beautiful, slim and smart. Y'know, the one that everyone wants and wouldn't insult. Instead of being like.. This. No matter how hard I try, it will never seem to be possible. I hate how I am now. No one would really understand how I feel.

of tears and fears.

November has been a fucking emotional ride.

Crying more than 10 times this month, and I just cried for 2 days consecutively. Now my phone's keypad all sticky thanks to the tears. And as bad as I feel, bro has to bear the brunt of my stupid emotions everytime. (which has a way of attacking the same nerve over and over again)

I really have to be stronger, so none of my friends have to take the weight of my emotions with them whenever I lose control.

Nonetheless I'm thankful that bro has been there for me everytime without fail and that makes me feel reallyyyy bad.

And I really really really have to be much stronger.

<3 nella.

Determination isnt as easy as it looks.

Hi I'm in KMacs studying and my re-exams starts tomorrow. So exciting!!!!!! Yeah right.

I hate the feeling where I think I've studied and know what I need to know but yet I don't. HOW DO I MAKE SURE I KNOW WHAT I KNOW????? And how do I 'lock' my studying in my brain permanently??? This is fannoying. >:(

I just hope I do better for Chemistry and Econs, especially Econs. I just hope I promote overall. -x fingers- Can't let those who believe me in me down.

Anyway I was looking thru my LJ that I was using from Sec3 to midSec4. I must say. I am very very very (x10000) disappointed with myself because all the hopes I've pinned on mself, I didn't even fulfill them. So many things I've wanted and said. I just don't wanna sacrifice much, I realised. Okay, although 2010's gonna end, I'm gonna leave this year not looking like THIS. And I'm gonna make sure I enter 2011 ready to tackle JC2 and also continue to not look like the present me. I am gonna do well for JC2. And this is something I'm gonna make sure it would come true the day I get my A's results. I do hope ill be able to get the SAF scholarship. But I still have a lot to do. A lot. All things are possible, I hope. Sacrifice is hard but when it comes to the moment that I have to do it, I hope I'd make the right decision.

Digressing, I don't like that I'm such a crybaby. :(

<3 nella.

i'll follow you into the dark.

I don't like unupdated blogs. Not a choice because my laptop's with Claw. Ahhh, oh well and it's still with her. :/(blogging from my BB) damn I miss that pink (SLOW) thing.

3days to my reexams. Tick, tock?

Studying's got me going.. Ah what the heck. I hate to study. Who does, really? I have probably about 5 to 6 years more before I break from this studying cycle. And when I don't study, I start to complain. The mentality of human nature never fails to baffle me.

Today Jasmine asked me a question: Fill in the blanks, "I'll kill to ____."
Well my answer was, "I'll kill to lose weight."
I fucking hate living as a fat piece of blob. And in a way thanks you HIHS, you've probably scarred me more than any other institution. And probably thank you too to how I was brought up. Well I'm fucking screwed and I know it.

Back to.. Geography.

<3 nella.

Something for my Brother.

I wish my life was a teenyweeny bit more interesting. 2010 was such a bore, minus the fact that there were many firsts for me this year. And minus the fact that there was a few minor emotional letdowns for me. Ah nonetheless, still boring.

Am currently on mugging mode. Not now now, but now. Gonna leave soon for KMacs to have my Econs consultation with the Brother.

Speaking of the Brother, realised I don't talk about him much here. Hmm he is an awesome person. Really. You know all those ahlians proclaiming all their kor jie di mei kinda stuffs on Facebook and having a long long long long list of siblings on their Facebook profile? Nope this is not the way things are between us.
My brother is the brother I never had, for I never really had many chances to know what really is sibling love to begin with.
Ah, which friend would even bother to care about my studies, even more than I do and making time to do consults with me? Which friend would actually go the extra mile to spend long hours on the phone just to make sure I'll be better before we hung up? Which friend, despite my many emotional letdowns, would just be there for me truly? So many things bro, so little time. S
This is why 2010 was great to a large extent. Because you (+ many other great people) walked into my life. You're definitely gonna be my maid of honour still!
As your sister, I promise you wouldn't go through whatever you went through.
Love ya Nick bro. <3