Signposts.

Finally on my lappy after so long. Ironic that my parents got me this after I bugged them like crazy and I finally got it and yet I dont use it. Finally have antivirus in thats why. For the next 60 days. Should look for a more permanent antivirus software...

Downloading of songs spree!!!! :):):) new songs for the ipodddddd~ been stuck with the annoying 306 songs and that sucks since I have 120gb of space. #losermuch

Been sick for close to a week already. Been banned from training till I get well. And its 9.More.Days to Nationals. All my training life, all i wanted do is to skip and now when I wanna train and although I know I'm not gonna do well this upcoming Nats but yes I still wanna put in my best, I'm... sick. Wow oh wow. Anyone who sees this, please pray for me to get better. :(

It's like I dont have a lot of people I can rely on. People whom I thought I could actually rely on just proved their actual worth in my life. And that was why I had a miserable day today. I thought you both were gonna be there. Not forever. But long enough. But no. I'm sad. Sad that you guys were not happy for my anything. Not being happy for me when I got attached, not being happy for me for anything. And that even includes not asking me out for your gatherings? With your little cool social circle, I guess I dont really fit in very much, do I. It sucks that I have to see such in Facebook? Oh wow. That explains a lot about me now. Explains why I'm always with him and the same few people. You know why? Because they're the ones who actually care and be happy for me no matter what. And when it comes to the boyfriend, I'm always with him because he's the only one I can relate to whenever nobody's around. He's the one that is actually there whenever I need someone. He's the one who bothers going that extra mile. If I become too "reliant" on him, I guess I just said the reasons why. He makes up for what I lost in my two best friends.

Today has been utterly miserable. But time spent with the boyfriend is enough to make me gain my sanity back. I don't care if anyone really thinks it's something wrong that a girl is always with her boyfriend. It's because there's no one I can actually turn to in school, but him. And perhaps Donn and Christian too who have made me feel better everytime I have a meltdown. I really dont have much people to turn to right now, and that really does suck. I just need those few people to be around me, thats all.

<3 nella.